Currently: Have the amazing feeling that I get the day before I go to a concert.
Want to go back to bed.
Drinking Rootbeer :]
Listening to some music.
Thinking about doing my homework.



How wonderful, it's almost Christmas. I know what I want this year.

So I think it's about time that I update this thing..
School: Shitty classes still, lots of homework, stressful, the usual. grades need to be worked on and I need to learn how to bring my homework to school.
Play: Going pretty good. Noone knows all of their lines or blocking and we only have 12 rehersals left, but still in the end I know it'll go awesome. Having conflicts with my co-director but what can I do? Picking costumes soon which is the best part.
Friends: Talking to a lot of old friends again. It was kind of awkward at first, but know it's pretty amazing. 
Random: Busy, busy, busy. Lots of new music. Definitly different from what I usually listen to.  

Don't know how often I will be able to update this. If you're really interested then go to my other blog which I will be updating atleast once a week for sure.
http://dial911forseckz.blogspot.com/

i've been too busy to update this a bunch like i said i would.
school is a bitch. honors algebra 2 is super easy but i fucking suck at geometry. i mean i really do. we took a test and out of about 35 questions i know i only knew about 3 of the answers for sure. what the fuck? i should fucking fly through this class but i'm terrible at it.
directing my first play ever in drama. currently reading through plays with my co-director. i thought it would be so simple but wow now that i think about it we have 9-12 weeks (class every other day plus lots of breaks) to make sure we have a set, learn how to use the lights (properly), make sure the cast know what the fuck they're doing, and a bunch of shit. it'll be hectic but fun. i fucking hope.
all my other classes are not worth wasting time to write about. 
oh shit i almost forgot. i have this creepppppy kid in my class who will not leave me alone. he like has a weird stalker crush thing on me. it's fucking creepy as hell. 
uhhh... yeah i have no clue.
i wasted about an hour decorating my notebooks. haha lame i know but i was bored and didn't want to write my rough draft for my english project.
going to see panic! at the disco on november 28th. anyone else going? i hope so.

i'm tired for once. i should be take advantage of it, but i'm not. what a big surprise.
sorry for the shitty spelling. i didn't want to use spell check. oh well.

i'm watching the VMA's for the third time. 
i am still so proud of Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy. they both are so amazing and deserved it.
i loved how the guy took the mic from Brendon and he didn't even  try to get it back. what a douche i mean come on you just got hit in the face with a bottle so atleast take some kind of anyger out on this guy by even TRYING  to get the mic back. but he didn't which made me laugh even more. oh and patrick  getting hit in the nuts by wee-man. that pretty much made my day. but the BEST part is when he got put on wee-man's shoulder and he went around the stage with Patrick on him. 
all in all the show had SOME good parts but sucked a lot too.
the end. 

better update when my mind is somewhere else.

i put up with so much shit around here. i honestly do not think that my mom does more than one thing around the house a week. i do wash HER clothes, i put HEr clothes in the dryer, i get her something to drink or eat whenever she wants me to, i clean up after her, i do EVERYTHING around here. and what do i get for it? NOTHING. no one respects me, does things for me, or even gives me money when i need it even though i do all the shit in this house that needs to be done. i'm so sick of it all. 
the worst part about it all is that she sits in the room next to me talking about how i do nothing, how i'm disrespectful, a brat, a bitch, and anything else negative you can think of. i mean i do so much here and she still talks bad about me. i hate it so much. she is the one person who can really get to me and she knows it so she uses that against me.
i wish things would get better again.

good thing: i have two of the  most gorgeous kids in two of my classes. i hope this will be a good year finally.

i'm done sitting in the back of the classes carving on the desk looking at the clock every  second hoping that my mind deceved me and it had really been 10 minutes. i need to realize that what i'm doing will affect me before it's too late. i've spent the last 6 years barely making it by when i used to be the one shit talking everyone else for not being like me. i use the same excuse everytime: "i get bored with it. they go too slow for me". yeah it is true but it doesn't matter. it's not a good enough excuse for me anymore. i need to grow up and see that i'm not always going to be able to be shieled by my mom and have her support me. 

i am honestly one of the only people i know who doesn't have a job or who has never had a job. pathetic much? 

i guess that's what i get. i grew up being the kid that would get bored on christmas because i got so many presents, the kid who wouldn't even need to ask for something becuase i alrwady had it all, the kid who would get praised for everything i did, the one who never got grounded or yelled out no matter what i did, i was the kid that everyone wanted to be. 

i have a photobook about 3 inches thick that is filled with awards that i've gotten. if you look at it i haven't gotten ONE since i was in 5th grade. it honestly makes me feel like shit. how i went from that wonderful student that every teacher loved to the one who fails almost every class and has teachers request not to have me in their class i don't know.  

i wish i could go back and not let me amke those mistakes  that i did. 

i have a reason why i went down that way but no one know it.  if they knew they would look at me differently i'm sure.  so here it is: 
i lost my great grandpa in 5th grade. no ones was  really expecting it. he was in some magazine talking about how healthy he was and next thing i know he has cancer and has about a month to live. i was so close to him. i was with him every weekend. no matter what i was always over with him and my grandma and cousins. i went out to california with my other great grandpa to help look for a house before we knew about my grandpa Shain and while i was there i had the chance to go see my grandpa. i had the chance to say goodbye, to tell him how much i love him, to do all the things that i know wish i would have done, but i didn't. instead i went to go see my friends. i thought that i'd be able to and see him for thanksgiving, but i was wrong. not long after i came back to colorado did i find out about him. do you know how hard it is for a 10 year old to know that her grandpa is dying and she had the chance to say goodbye to him but she went to go see her friends instead? it is the hardest thing that i have ever been through. everyday i regret that i didn't go see him.  i talked to him on the phone everyday while he was in the hospital  but it was never the same. he told me that he didn't care. he told me that hearing how much i loved him for 10 years was enough and that he could never forget it. nothing that he said will ever make me feel better. ever since the day i found he was sick with cancer i've given up. i've given up on my school, on keeping friends, eveything. i know that he wouldn't want to know that his death did this to me, but i'm so used to be like this that i can't get out of the hole i dug myself into.

i regret everything i've done in the past 6 years besides maybe 5 things. i feel like shit but i'm going to make it out of this rut this year.

for once i know i can. i'm going to put all my effort into it and not give up half way through. i need to belive in myself because the people who believe in me just aren't cutting it.

i need to stop being babied. i need to be pushed into the real world. not a little nudge but a push i need to go in full blast or not at all. 

i'm tired . i need to sleep for once.  i think it will do me good.

I'm bored.
I'm a hxc lurker. Seriously.
Pointless much?

Oh yeah, I had to edit this so that I could tell everyone that there is a Jesse McCartney ad at the bottom of my page.
Yep i'm done now.

I start school on Wednesday. Ugh I do not want to go back at all.
I am so unprepared compared to everyone else.
I don't have my schedule and everyone else got there's a week after school was out. I don't have my locker number or code but my locker partner (Vanessa)does. I don't have my registration turned in so I don't even know if I will be able to get my schedule in the first place. I don't have my I.D. and everyone got there's last week.
Pretty much this year is going to start off rough.
I have to do as good as I possibly can though.
I have to talk to my councilor about what classes I have to have to graduate so I can take all those and drop my other classes that I don't have to have.

Yay for school soon.
Not.

Waaaay better than I ever thought it would be. The stupid commercial does nothing for the actual movie.
I was so surprised to see that like 30 people were in the theater.
They asked me for my I.D. bahaha. Whoops. I got in anyways so who really cares?
Dude I totally laughed out loud (really loud) when the snake bit the guys p33n. Best part of the movie pretty much.

Ugh I NEVER used to drink milk (it makes me super sick) and now I drink strawberry (yummm) milk every night for the past few days. I don't think it's too smart of me but oh well.

Um. Probably update more later when I'm bored or something.
I'll complain about how the milk made me sick like it always does.

someone come and find me and bring me back home.
Please and thank you.